


i can't get it right

by noirophelia



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Getting Together, M/M, both of them are oblivious idiots who am i kidding, there is never enough coffee shop aus am i right?, this is pure fluff i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:20:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22339942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noirophelia/pseuds/noirophelia
Summary: Suddenly it all makes sense now. How Isak was so adamant about leaving it the way it was, not wanting to deal with whatever is happening between them, telling himself it’s okay. Except it isn’t okay. At least not anymore, not after his feelings grew and bloomed into a garden and he doesn't know what to do with them anymore. Nobody taught him. He’s a little angry at himself for letting the ease he cherished so much slip away so subtly.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 23
Kudos: 140





	i can't get it right

**Author's Note:**

> i just needed to write something simple, sweet, and uplifting. i also wanted to write something very short but i don’t know what happened and suddenly it's 4k words and i was like wtf okaaay ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ but i'm pretty happy with how it turned out  
> i had this 'loving is easy' song by rex orange county in my mind the whole time writing it. lyrics are helpful, if you know you get the vibe
> 
> all mistakes are mine!  
> thank you for reading <3

Even is easy. It’s what Isak realizes when he hurries out of the coffee shop in his apron to return Even his green sketchbook he forgot on the table.

The first thought in Isak’s head was ‘uh, no, impossible, he carries this thing everywhere with him, he can't just forget it like that!’ But he sees it right there, lying on the table for two next to the window. Even’s favorite spot, Isak learned that in these two months he’s been working here. So yeah, it’s good he doesn’t have any customers waiting in line when Even and his friend whose name Isak can't remember suddenly decide to leave.

And here he is on the sidewalk, thinking how he is the silly one while calling out Even’s name.

“You forgot your sketchbook,” Isak says a bit out of breath and he doesn’t even know why. He has a feeling it’s just what Even usually does to him. Leaving him breathless.

This is what Isak is going to punch himself for later.

"Shit," Even chuckles, he doesn’t even seem that surprised as he bites his bottom lip like he’s a little embarrassed. It takes him another second to finally look Isak in the eyes, “Thank you, Isak,” Then Even smiles and Isak is just. Gone. “You shouldn’t have left your work place for that. Could have just messaged me or something.” 

Yeah, somehow it didn’t even cross his mind. Isak’s first instinct was to follow Even.

“Well. I couldn’t let someone to snoop into your art,” Isak fails to laugh so it was believable but when Even keeps looking at him like that he doesn’t care about how dumb he might seem.

Even is silent for a moment as well Mikael, Isak thinks that's his name, who’s apparently been watching them with raised eyebrows yet unreadable expression on his face.

“Did you,” Even says then, looking less confident and this shift in his mood makes Isak wonder. “Did you see what’s inside?”

That makes Isak stare at him wide-eyed; honestly, it could even offend him if it wasn’t coming from Even. “What? No, why would I?”

Even shrugs and if Isak knew him better he would think he’s disappointed. But this is weird reaction for an artist. And nobody in general likes when other people look into their stuff.

Isak gestures to the coffee shop, letting out a sigh, “I should be back there. It was nice seeing you today even if it’s not your shift.”

“Yeah,” Even nods, “You too. Sorry I didn’t say goodbye, we kind of really need to be somewhere else.”

It’s when Mikael finally reminds of his presence. With a chuckle he shakes his brown mop of hair and says, “We are, like, twenty minutes late already but you two take your time.”

Well, that was awkward. And still, when Even blinds him with this special smile of his, Isak stops thinking about everything else.

“You’re working tomorrow?” Isak asks, making a small step backwards and, simple like that, Even nods raising his eyebrows in his famous way. “See you tomorrow, then.”

*

Isak has never thought it could be easy like this, honestly. 

Not when he’s barely making it to pay the rent these days because his father isn’t the most reliable source of money anymore, and then there are uni classes he sometimes has to miss because of the job and if he misses something, he has to ask Sana to help him. And it’s all just makes him feel so guilty. This guilt only grows every time he needs to talk to Eskild again to tell him how he’ll be able to pay only next week; and also every time when he shoots Sana with messages about homework; and every time when he has to cancel plans with the boys because he simply doesn’t have time for hanging outs. And if he suddenly has time, he’s already hit his energy wasting limit.

It’s all keep happening in a devil circle and then, _boom_. There’s another person who simply makes time go slower, just like in those fucking romcoms Isak likes to give shit.

It was impossible then and it totally sounds obscure and suspicious as hell now but it’s true. Somehow, they fall into a sync together – at work, with their huge mutual group of friends, and most importantly with each other.

The first days at the coffee shop had left Isak without meeting Even at work for a whole week, almost like their schedules were intentionally formed that way. Another thing was that Isak didn’t even know Even also worked there.

It wasn’t awkward, at least not for Isak. Instead, it was fun. Isak would accidentally touch Even’s waist making his way to the opposite corner of the café and Even would freeze just for a second, and then this would happen again, but now it would be Even’s fingers brushing his arm.

It’s easy to joke all of a sudden. It’s also easy to talk about things or just to be quiet together. Isak’s mind has a habit to go wild about all those stuff he has to take care of before the end of the week. Isak guesses, Even learned to notice when he gets like this. Without explanation, suddenly the sound of the radio in the break room lowers and a cup of herbal tea appears in front of him.

Everything, when it comes to Even, is easy.

‘This must be a bad thing,’ Isak starts to think more often than before. ‘This probably means it isn’t special. Or serious.’ 

He was taught that things like this take energy and time and work, that it requires maturity and rational thinking. But then again, good things find their way into your life eventually and you never know what form they can have. Also, love shouldn’t hurt, his mom always says that, (Isak mentally slaps himself for calling it love) and he knows he is so far from feeling hurt when he thinks about Even.

This place of in-between they are in is safe and tranquil, but at the same time it’s pretty offbeat because they both don’t quite know where it’s all heading.

Isak thinks back to how they met for the first time at some party a few months ago, easy as it could be, just smoked together and maybe because Isak desperately needed someone to share what’s been eating him inside, he confessed to Even some bits of it. They have discussed it some more next morning, twelve hours later after Even kissed him and Isak took him home.

Isak is more than surprised that this is how they still are, with no definition of what is next and for the first time Isak’s excitement is not blend with worry.

*

“How do you do that?” Even asks lying on Isak’s bed and waiting for Isak to finish doing his routine evening things.

“Do what?” Isak furrows his brows, taking off his sweatshirt, t-shirt follows. He throws a glance at Even but stops right there in front of him, once again not being able to look away. 

Even has been staring. He tilts his head at Isak and smiles so soft it does its magic and the wrinkles between Isak’s brows disappear. “Make my heart smile.”

Isak presses his lips into a thin line and narrows his eyes, he really wants to say something witty in response, to call Even out on his sappy bullshit but he’s awfully tired after a closing shifts so he gives up.

“Okay,” he nods. “This one was kinda cute.” He falls onto Even who didn’t even expect it, but he manages to make himself comfortable on his chest. Closing his eyes, Isak says, “Now cuddle me. I’m exhausted.”

“You won’t even answer my question?” Even keeps teasing him, but his voice is gentle. He rests his hand on Isak back and starts drawing irratic patterns on his skin with his fingers.

“I don’t know. I think you do the same thing to me so let's call it even,” he says before dozing off and if Even holds his breath for a second, Isak doesn’t notice it.

*

The boys start to refer to Even as his boyfriend at some point and Isak isn’t even bothered to correct them. It’s sort of funny, if you’d ask Isak.

They ask how Even is doing almost every time they meet and Isak’s answer is always ‘great’ or ‘good’ but he tells them nothing more. Partly because it’s nice to keep some things to himself but mostly because it’s such an odd thing to give definition to. It’s not exactly a relationship but it does sometimes feel like they are couple.

Once at the pregame, sadly they don’t do it that often anymore, Magnus is more than tipsy. It always makes him more emotional and reduces his filter completely, so he starts complaining how Isak never hangs out with them anymore, “The bro code, Isak! What happened to the bros before hoes?” 

“What the- don’t call Even that,” Isak sighs, taking out his phone to check the time. There’s a message from Even on his lock screen. “I’m here with you right now, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, your body is here but your mind is somewhere else. I think I can even guess where,” Magnus says without enthusiasm, “But how come the only free time you have you spend ether with your boyfriend or Sana. Sana! Is she more entertaining than us to you?”

He gets a slap on the back of his head from Mahdi for that. 

Later, when the boys find another topic for conversation Jonas smoothly slides next to Isak on the couch. He's nursing his bear clearly hesitating to ask something but a minute passes and Jonas quietly lets out, “You two really aren’t dating, are you?”

Isak huffs, shaking his head, “No. It’s all fun and games.”

“Does Even know that?” Jonas raises eyebrow, unimpressed.

“What do you mean,” Isak frowns, not quite understanding where this is going. “Of course he knows. We’re just trying to avoid drama.”

“And commitment, right?” Jonas looks at him in disbelief. He manages to tone down his frustration anyway, “Isak, we are talking about a dude who once brought you the books you forgot at home when he needed to be on the other part of the city in fifteen minutes after that. He mentioned it to you it like it wasn’t big of a deal. Don’t tell me it’s just a nice thing to do.”

“He said he was near kollektivet, and Eskild was home, so-”

“I know, I was in that library with you. But I also have eyes.” 

Isak can’t look at Jonas anymore because Jonas doesn’t understand. It’s supposed to be fun and sweet and simple. He’s aware his feelings grow, but so what about it? It’s not like it’s important. Isak knows they always ruin everything.

“Just, uh, an unwanted advise from your best friend,” Jonas quietly says, but Isak knows he hasn't given up on this topic. He’s just being his considerate self. “Talk about what it means to both of you. Life ways may surprise you.”

*

Isak is sitting alone on the floor of Even’s living room, or, better to say his parents’ living room, leaning on the sofa and scrolling through his facebook feed when he hears the doorknob click. Isak stands up faster than his thoughts run.

“What could take you so long, Even-” he stops right away when he sees it’s not Even in the hallway but a woman. Even’s mom, apparently.

“I suppose you’re a friend of Even and not a burglar?” She asks, raising her eyebrows and Isak swears it looks oddly familiar. He gets it then. 

“Uh, yeah. Even is out. Yousef asked him to help him with something. Um, but he should be back soon, I think.” He nods and takes a few slow steps further debating if he should offer her a hand and introduce himself.

“I know Yousef,” narrowing her eyes, she lands plastic bags from local grocery store on the floor and takes off her coat. “You, though, I don’t know.”

“I’m Isak,” he just says suddenly forgetting how to form sentences. “Even said it’s okay to wait for him here but I can leave if you want.”

“Oh,” she only give him another long look-over and lays her hands on her waist. “Okay, Isak. Now descriptions finally have a picture. I’m Sigrid, Even's mom. Nice to meet you.”

“What do you mean,” Isak catches his breath, his voice surprisingly high. “Even said something about me?”

She makes a face like she’s unhappy with the fact. “No, not that much. He doesn’t share stuff anymore. At least not as much as he used to when he was younger.” She shakes her head, taking off her shoes. "And I will let you know he was a very mouthy kid." Then she points at the plastic bags, “Well, if Even is not here. Help me, will you?”

__

In the end, Sigrid asks him to put groceries in the fridge while she’s fixing tea for both of them. She doesn’t pry too much, just asks what he does and likes in general. There’s a small smile on her lips when she learns he and Even have been working together for nearly three months already.

“So this is when you two started dating? After meeting at work?”

“Uh, this is really difficult to say,” he says without thinking, he realizes what question it was only a couple of seconds later. “I mean, no? I don’t know,” he gets worked up for a moment but feels brave enough to look at her. She smiles kindly at him and this is what it takes to get rid of the tension in his shoulders. “We aren’t dating. Like, officially.”

Sigrid huffs a laugh and shakes her head, “Just think about how many nights he spends at yours instead of his own bed. You surly know the answer.”

“I mean I- uh, I like him. A lot. He’s amazing.”

She nods and smirks at him, “You could say that.”

“But what’s happening is so…” Isak confesses, feeling braver he ever remembers himself being.

“Quick?”

“No, not that. Just… effortless. Too simple.”

“You say it like it’s a bad thing.”

“You think it isn’t?” Isak quietly asks with a frown on his face hope in his voice. “Because sometimes it feels like if I close my eyes it’ll just fade away. And I don't want that.”

She finally hands him a cup of tea and it all brings him back to how Even does the same for him when Isak is stressed. And there’s a comfort in this gesture, and understanding, and serenity. Isak’s fingers start making up erratic patterns on the rim of the cup just the same.

“You say it’s too simple yet you’re so worried it might stop,” she tilts her head and there’s funny glint in her eyes. “Don’t you think it says enough of how it isn’t exactly easy?”

Isak is silent after that, because yeah, the things he has been thinking probably aren’t the ones to match his feelings. He doesn’t know if he would be able to recognize it on his own.

Minutes pass and Even returns slightly embarrassed by this whole situation. Isak kisses his worries away when they are alone in private saying without words it’s okay.

*

It rarely happens when they share a closing shift but here they are, the cold is biting their cheeks while they are slowly making their way home. Isak is used to feeling exhausted but right now this exhaustion is some of a different kind. Even mentions he has to wake up early in the morning tomorrow to meet a cousin at the airport and still, Isak hopes they’ll spend the night together anyway.

The silence was never a problem for him before, not with Even, but now there’s thousands of thoughts in his head, it’s like hundreds of scared bats flying from the source of light and Isak is in need to finally say something because it keeps to tingle unpleasantly somewhere inside.

Suddenly it all makes sense now. How Isak was so adamant about leaving it the way it was, not wanting to deal with whatever is happening between them, telling himself it’s okay. Except it isn’t okay. At least not anymore, not after his feelings grew and bloomed into a garden and he doesn't know what to do with them anymore. Nobody taught him. He’s a little angry at himself for letting the ease he cherished so much slip away so subtly. 

“Sorry,” Even suddenly says, slowing the steps. “But you’re thinking too loud.”

Isak shakes his head hoping his guts are wrong this time. “It’s nothing.”

“No. It isn’t,” Even finally stops taking Isak’s hand in his. “What’s going on?”

And Isak is ready to scream there and then _how can you not know? How can you not notice?_

“Are you happy?” he asks, surprised at his own cool.

It makes Even frown and look away and Isak immediately feels guilt rushing through him. He can’t take back his words though. He isn’t going to, he means them.

“Why?” he loosens his grip on Isak’s hand, leaving more space between them. “If you’re trying to check up on me then I don’t know what made you think-”

“It’s not about that,” it comes out sharper than he intended. “Sorry," he got a little irritated and when he’s like that he can’t play patient. He softens his voice then, "Come on, you know what I mean.” He nods at their joined hands, “I know we’ve never really discussed this,” _this important thing, the thing I can’t get out of my head these past few days_ , Isak thinks but doesn't say. “And just went with the flow,” Isak reaches out with his right hand to lay it on Even’s cheek. Both his fingers and Even’s face are cold but it’s still nice. Everything about Even is nice. “But are you happy with how we are?”

Even holds his breath. He looks scared, Isak know that look – he predicts Even closing his eyes, making a breath out, collecting himself. He knows this, he has learned so many things about Even in so little time. He wants to know more of him. But Even whispers, “Aren’t you?”

Time speeds up again for the first time in months; Isak feels it in his body. He hears the cars roaring on the background while the burn on his heart starts to itch, that part of him that was so afraid of even the tiniest display of complicated.

“I am.”

*

Turns out, to have the words written down is ten times easier than to say them out loud. Isak might be embarrassed but this is his ‘leaving the comfort zone’ thing he needed to do. Even if it’s happening over a text.

It’s Saturday evening and he was just going to join Eskild and Linn in the living room to watch a couple of episodes of some new sitcom. He also promised himself not to touch his phone until he hears a sound of notification but just a minute later he’s checking their chat again and there’s a blue check mark next to his latest message and no grey dots. Isak is fucked. But there’s no going backwards anymore. 

(15:41)  
How did your test go yesterday?  
(16:00)  
Isak?  
(20:30)  
Did something happen?

  
(20:58)  
hi, even. sorry for ignoring you but i needed some time to think. we’ve always been pretty honest with each other so i’m just going to say it how it is. on thursday, when i asked if you were happy, i was very close to aksing you to date me. but i get that the thing between us was enough for you.  
(21:01)  
and for me it isn’t. not after i realized i’ve fallen for you. so. what i’m trying to say is that i don’t think i can keep doing this anymore knowing there might be other people. i hope you understand.

__

Isak is stretched out on the sofa in the living room playing with his phone that probably has never been more silent than in the last twenty minutes. Linn is sitting in her favorite chair on the right from him while Eskild made himself comfortable on the floor with his duvet and pillows and old Noora’s plushies. It’s kind of weird how her presence still lingers in the kollektivet even though she moved out more than a year ago. 

Isak barely pays attention to the TV but it’s nice that he doesn’t need to talk to feel himself comfortable and safe, in a way. He keeps thinking and thinking and thinking and he knows the thing about your feelings is that you have to let them go through you, that hiding from them won’t get you anywhere but he’s just. So tired. He doesn’t even notice Eskild standing up and leaving living room in a hurry.

“Isak,” Eskild suddenly says making Isak flinch. He’s tilting his head while looking at Isak with disapproving look in his eyes. “You have a guest. I don’t know what happened between you and Even, especially after you two being so lovey-dovey this past month, but the guy looks like he kicked a puppy or something. Are you responsible for that?”

“Even is here?”

“A-ha. I suggested him to come in but he refused. Which I think was really weird,” Eskild starts to rumble but Isak wasn’t listening anymore. 

He’s at the front door, like, in a second, and then they are standing in the doorway staring at each other without saying anything and this is so, so far from what Isak has gotten used to feel, it’s so far from comfortable and easy and he hates it.

“Hey,” Even breathes out, almost inaudible but so careful. Maybe Isak isn’t the only one here who’s scared.

He nods in the direction of his bedroom and Even follows, but after the door is closed behind them Isak has absolutely no idea how to deal with it.

“So…” Even says, leaning with his back on Isak’s door. “Your message.”

The thing is, Isak is not sure how to read him right now. Not that he was good at it before, he was always holding to the idea how he just trusts Even without further questions. This time it doesn’t work in his favor. “What about it?”

“Why didn’t you?” Even licks his lips and keeps staring at him. There’s glint in his eyes almost like he knows something Isak doesn’t.

“Why didn’t I what?” 

The whole thing is just confusing. What is Even even doing here anyway? Isak made himself clear in that text.

“Ask me.”

“Oh,” he looks away, but not for too long. “You mean _that_ thing.”

Even huffs a laugh, shaking his head. “Yeah, that thing. Also, do you really think there are other people? God, this is such a mess.”

“Welcome to my life,” Isak shrugs taking a step towards Even. He wants to reach out and take his hand, he wants to cup his face and finally kiss him again but he keeps his cool. How he manages to do that is a mystery. “So I should have just asked, then? But I missed my chance.”

“You can still try. If you want,” Even softly smiles and nods. He says it with such care it makes Isak go warm inside. He really does love him.

“Just like that? You’re giving up this easily? I don’t want you to change for me. This is not going to work if that’s the case.”

“Oh my God, I’m not giving up on anything, Isak,” Even says cupping Isak’s face with his hands the same way Isak did it just a couple of days ago. On autopilot, Isak grasps Even's wrists, “I want you. I do. This is just me letting myself to have nice things. Okay?”

“Okay,” it’s a half whisper and a half sigh, Isak sees there’s much more to unpack from what Even just said but right now he just can’t take his eyes off Even’s. Who would have known how much warmth blue could contain? 

“I also think there was a little misunderstanding,” It makes Isak frown and pull away a little. Just like magic Even reads his thoughts faster than Isak forms his question. Even quietly laughs, “I just thought it was what _you_ wanted. I guess I’m just weak and stupid when it comes to you.”

“It isn’t really healthy, don’t you think?”

“Maybe. I can’t control what I feel, though. And we could probably avoid all this dancing around the circle if you did snoop into my sketchbook back then," Even grins and raises his eyebrows watching Isak's confusion. One of his hands slips to Isak's hip, "Do you think it was so fun for me to spend my day off at the place I work? It was just another excuse to draw you."

"But... you were there with your friend, how could I know?"

"Noo," he drags, " _Mikael_ was with me because I asked him. I thought it would be too suspicious and weird if I was there alone. And then I left my sketchbook on purpose."

"Do you," Isak starts, trying his best not to laugh, "Do you understand how dumb it sounds?"

"You make me do dumb things, I can't help it," he sighs grinning even wider. "But the world is a little happier with you in it.”

“Only a little?” Isak smiles while his hands find their way to Even’s neck. With his fingers, he feels Even’s heartbeat, and in a flash he’s there again, in the world that is his, where he doesn’t feel the urge to control it.

“Only a little,” Even nods and kisses him. Just like that.

**Author's Note:**

> please, let me know what you think in the comments!


End file.
